Sometimes I sit down at my computer, load up WordPress + settle in to write about something very specific. Maybe itâ€™s a trail story or a race recap [ha, thatâ€™s been a while] or a “hey, this is whatâ€™s up” update. Usually, I make a point to leave home then get focused + motivated with a fancy pants latte from my favorite coffee shop [or whatever coffee shop will let me buy caffeine in exchange for internet access]. Lately, Iâ€™ve been writing with a purpose…motivated by experiences or some sort of income.
This is not one of those times. I am still miles away from Red Buffalo Cafe, the home of my go-to brown sugar honey latte, with no make-up on + wet hair. I plopped down + opened my laptop after walking Max, still munching on a bagel + sipping mediocre coffee smashed through my new Aeropress. There was no mission, but I knew I needed to plan out a few weekend trips. Or, more responsibly, apply for another job or two. Thatâ€™s where I started, but thatâ€™s not where I stayed.
Instead, Iâ€™m here…throwing words at theÂ website I seriously considered deserting for the next few months.
I guess, this is why my site is still here. For those moments when I just want to let my fingers float across a keyboard + push words out to the world. Sure, I can write on my own time + keep it all to myself in a cute handwritten journal. I could even create a compilation of messy feelings on Google Docs. But…thatâ€™s not quite as rewarding as through vomiting onto a public site where friends, family + random strangers can read about the chaos in my brain.
Now that Iâ€™ve not-so-strategically used up your entire attention span, let me throw in a few mountainous photos while I ramble on…
…hiking McCullough Gulch with Hannah + Max, an area of “my mountains” I didnâ€™t even know existed before this.
Iâ€™ve been back in Colorado for two weeks. Itâ€™s amazing how quickly you fall back into your routine of “life”. Running off for the summer doesnâ€™t demolish your friendships, smother your love for backyard trails or erase your insecurities. Itâ€™s all right there, waiting for your return. Trust me, I know…Iâ€™ve tried it three times + every time life is just there, waiting for me to get back to picking up the pieces or rekindle the flames.
Thatâ€™s not exactly a complaint — I like my mountains + I love my people. As for the insecurities + relentless “adulting” responsibilities, well, thatâ€™s why I stick to the mountains + keep my people around. Theyâ€™re what makes those problems more manageable. Caffeine, country music, ice cream + mindless Netflixâ€™ing also help…itâ€™s all about balance, right?!
When I first got back to Colorado I didnâ€™t really have much of a game plan for life. I mean, I had plans to get my hands on a seasonal job for the winter, but beyond that…it was all wait + see.
Rather than sketch out a life plan for my short-term future, I threw myself at a handful of “this could work” opportunities. Somehow, Iâ€™ve managed to wrangle a full-time seasonal job with a mash-up of contract/freelance work. Now itâ€™s just a matter of balancing these new responsibilities with my desire to get outside + play in the mountain before the snow shows up.
…running Uneva Pass with Farhen + Ingrid, something my not-really-run-ready legs agreed to the night before.
The Subaru I just bought is going to help with that balance, I do believe.
Iâ€™ve also spent time in the kitchen fussing over my first attempt at making a sourdough starter [uh, now I have to make it into bread?!], fermented what I think is a healthy slime of kombucha scoby. Not to mention the time Iâ€™ve spent at the library + the books about gardening in small space at high altitudes. Then thereâ€™s the bit where Robb + I got a storage unit, moved around gear + bought a grill. We also have plans in place to set up recycling, a dining room table, more gear storage + worm composting.
Who am I!?
How does one go from living out of a backpack to taking on a “settled down” life of adulthood in the course of a few weeks? When is my head going to explode? Honestly…I donâ€™t think it will explode. Everything is just sort of happening + itâ€™s not stressing me out. Itâ€™s working. Iâ€™ve always wanted to have a real “home” but my restless heart hasnâ€™t allowed me to enjoy it. I seem to have wriggled myself into a lifestyle that allows me to “settle down” while still chasing my adventurous whims around the world. Next summer will be a bit different. But even with a garden, composting worms + fermenting tea, itâ€™s going to be possible to get nomadic. At least for a few months!
featured/header photo: hiking to Willow Creek Falls with Robb + Max